When Perfectionism Shows Up in Your Child (or You!)

BY THE CENTERED LIFE THERAPY

Does your child melt down over small mistakes? Avoid trying new things for fear of failure? Get frustrated when things don’t come easily? These may be signs of perfectionism—a trait that, while often praised, can lead to anxiety, procrastination, and burnout.

Perfectionism isn’t just about high standards; it’s about fear—fear of failure, of disappointing others, of not being “good enough.” Research shows that perfectionism in children is often linked to anxiety and lower self-esteem (Santos et al., 2021). And if you’re a high-achieving parent, it’s easy to unintentionally pass on perfectionist tendencies to your child.

Montessori philosophy offers an antidote: a focus on intrinsic motivation, process over outcome, and learning through mistakes. Here’s how to support your child in developing a healthy mindset around achievement.